Birthdays for me have always been filled with gratefulness and reflection. Grateful to have been blessed with another year in good health with family and friends who love me. Reflective on what I did, could have done better and would aim to do. This past year was very special for me for a host of reasons but the main being that I finally felt like for the first time in my life I surrendered myself to the universe, allowing myself to let go of control over things that I truly had no control over at all.
It is so crazy to think about the trials and tribulations that I faced this past year and how at times I felt I couldn’t or wouldn’t make it. Many people didn’t know that I spent most of my days exerting so much energy into everyone and everything else, that I had nothing left for myself most days. I allowed myself to be sucked by life leeches and when I decided to end that chapter in my life, I realized how exhausted, weak and worn out I truly was. I lived a life filled with an infinite supply of adrenaline and was always depending on my second wind to kick in when it came time for me to focus on myself. So much that I didn’t know what it felt like to use my first wind for myself. Always feeling a step behind for things related to me and so far ahead for everyone else was a constant struggle until I finally hit rock bottom mentally and a bit spiritually.
The beautiful thing about life is that things really do get better. Sometimes life has to spin completely out of control and force you to fall to your knees to surrender. I finally fell to my knees last year and have been standing ever since. I decided that I was going to wait on God to show me his plan and just sit back and chill. Yeah, I literally stopped caring about the small things, stopped dwelling on things of the past and just stood still in the midst of it all.
That is when everything changed. God started to shift everything around me. All of the toxic things that haunted me for years began to dwindle. And eventually I was reborn. (cliché right?) I legit feel like everyday that I looked in the mirror I saw someone who I had never seen before. As if I was meeting myself for the first time and I actually liked her. A LOT. LIKE A WHOLE BUNCH.
27 was the year to figure stuff out and not be afraid to fail myself. To dig deeper to see who I was and what I was made of. It was also a year of believing that I was worthy of a life filled with happiness if I was willing to make a few changes. I stepped out on faith with the hope that I would live my best life. And I think I passed the test. How do I know I passed? Because I began to experience supernatural blessings, increase and peace that was unimaginable. Not only did I get a job doing what I wanted with awesome people, but all of the toxic things/people that were once apart of my life were removed and replaced by the complete opposite. Today, I literally spend most of my days not stressing about 90% of the things I used to care about and it’s because I decided that doing the same things and expecting a change was insanity and I had to do it differently; even if it made me uncomfortable.
So what does my Twenty8th chapter mean for me? Let’s just say that I can’t wait to continue to live my best life as the best me with some of the best people. Cheers to Twenty8. It can only – and will only go up from here.